It seems that another reporter has been caught making up sources and quotes from those fictional sources.
Christopher Newton, a reporter for the Associated Press until discovered in his fabrications, seems to have had a
few incidents where there were inconsequential quotes in his stories by people who may not even exist. Mr. Newton
is not the first to discover the gravity with which editors perceive journalistic integrity. There was that fellow
from Boston a few years back. Considering what became of his career, this might be a golden opportunity for Mr.
Newton. If he can expand his repertoire to lying with a straight face “for the good of the people,” he will be
network anchor material.
As an observer of the media, it makes me wonder where this trend of fabrication will go next. It used to be that a
newspaper manufactured opinion. Nowadays, they also manufacture quotes and sources. Following the trend, it
appears that the next great breakthrough will be in manufacturing fictional reporters to do the work. The editor,
instead of going through the trouble of hiring someone and assigning them to stories, will write all of the stories
from his or her imagination without leaving the newsroom. The editor will just assign different bylines based on
the topic. In fact, with modern technology the editor could be sitting in his robe and slippers in his den writing
the entire news content of the paper. From what I’ve seen of most modern papers, this would take about four hours
of research (Internet surfing and phone calls) and another two of composition. The editor could be done in six
hours and have a nap before the kids got home from school.
Speaking of kids, every hormone-raging fourteen-year-old hacker has seen either the movie Simone or previews for it
and is scheming how to create his own virtual girlfriend. Likewise, readers of Clive Cussler’s adventure novels
will be familiar with Hiram Yaeger’s computer, Max. This idea rather brings up a whole ’nother kettle of fish as
concerns reporters. If an editor really wanted to make his job easier, he would investigate artificial
intelligence. The virtual AI reporter would be much easier to deal with, work harder than, and stab less backs
than the average reporter. This isn’t a slam against reporters; it’s a slam against humans in general. Who do you
know that is willing to work 24-7, have no family life, hold no grudges, and will never be depressed by reporting
on man’s consistently-more-creative inhumanity to man? The AI reporter also would not be paid as much as humans.
It would only ask for a bigger hard drive and more RAM every year, and that keeps getting cheaper.
Of course, with our anthropomorphization of objects, sooner or later someone will give the AI software enough
quirks that it seems very human. We will have to deal with these ingeniously exasperating computer programs that
have been developed to have wishes and goals of their own. This could make an AI reporter as difficult to deal
with as the human ones. We would then have to invest in psychologists to deal with our artificially intelligent
reporters’ complaints.
“I’m sorry, Ms. Editor,” the AI psychologist sadly shakes its non-existent head. “It seems you have three serious
cases of B.E.”
“What’s B.E.?” the editor asks with a look of concern on her actual, reality-based features.
The AI psychologist looks to both right and left out of the monitor before saying at his lowest audible volume
setting with downcast eyes, “It’s...body envy. They want to be REAL reporters!”
Just a small preview of what’s to come for the editors out there in the world. Mankind can never leave well enough
alone, so your AI reporters will be as neurotic or psychotic as your present staff. Of course, they’ll still work
more and cost less than the human staff.
A question I would have about AI reporters is would you be able to order them with a built-in slant? Could you
order a liberal or conservative version of the AI Reporter? Or would there just be one version, an unbiased
reporter? That rather begs the question. Would we even know what to make of an unbiased reporter?
F. B. Knight is Curmudgeon-in-Residence at the Attila the Hun School of Management. He can be reached for questions
at
fbk@attilathehunschool.net.
